How to Take a Picture of a Toddler

1. Decide where you want the picture to be, take out your camera and meter the light.
2. Place toddler in selected spot.
3. Retrieve toddler from top of bookshelf and return to selected spot.
4. Get lollipop from cupboard.
5. Put toddler back in selected spot and give her lollipop.
6. Wipe lollipop smear from toddler’s face, top of bookshelf, and fur of cat.
7. Get out bubbles.
8. Return toddler to selected spot and blow bubbles to keep him interested.
9. Stop to mop up spilled bubble liquid.
10. Light has moved. Pick new spot and meter.
11. Put a basket in new spot.
12. Put toddler in basket.
13. Retrieve toddler from behind chair where he is playing with the outlet.
14. Remind self that you do NOT want a call from preschool in which the teacher inquires where your child learned to say those words.
15. Put brand new toy in basket along with toddler.
16. Throw broken toy away, retrieve toddler from kitchen where he is eating cat food.
17. Consider putting bowl of cat food where the light is good. Reject this idea.
18. Sew velco to butt of toddler pants and onto pillow. Place child on pillow where light is good.
19. Remove pillow from child’s behind and re-stuff with something heavier. Reattach child.
20. By now the light is gone.
21. Put camera away, pour self drink.