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How to Undermine Your Child’s Portrait Session

So, there you are, having paid your money for a portrait session, but now a tiny devil sits on your shoulder and suggests you undermine it. How can you best ruin your chances for good pictures?

1. Dress your child in clothing he or she hates. Scratchy tags, unfamiliar tights, itchy lace and uncomfortable shoes are a GREAT way to make sure your child looks perpetually miserable. If your child has sensory issues makes sure to break out the dress or pants with the uncomfortable seams and don’t forget to bring out something totally new for a child who doesn’t handle change well.
2. Threaten your child. Totally destroy any possibility of a natural smile AND make sure every time you look at the final product you feel angry by threatening to spank your child if she doesn’t cooperate.
3. Stand slightly behind and to the left of the photographer and continually call your child’s name.This will make sure that every picture will show the child doing what appears to be staring off, blankly, into space rather than making eye contact with the camera.
4. Keep your child out late the day before. Sleep deprived and/or tired children are an excellent way to make sure the whole portrait experience is miserable for everyone involved.
5. Keep your child hungry.Schedule a morning session and decide to have a late breakfast afterward. Nothing like a child made crabby by hunger to get really special pictures. If you have a newborn, refuse to nurse or give the baby a bottle because you don’t want to change the schedule. This will guarantee you get a lot of screaming, rooting pictures and not a single sleeping shot.
6. Give your child a snack half way through. Sticky is good, crumby is good, but sticky and crumby together, such as a cereal bar, is the best. This way stickiness will hold the crumbs to your child’s face and every shot will include a bit of snack in it.
7. Insist on having the session some place or the photographer warns against. Whether it is your dark, cluttered house, a playground at noon or a park 30 minutes after sundown, if the photographer says that pictures there aren’t likely to make you happy that’s the place and time to insist on. Showing up late is a good way to accomplish this on the sly so instead of getting the warm, wonderful light 45 minutes before sundown you get the special light that’s left 5 minutes after sundown. A person who wants to ruin her own portrait session must be ever vigilant for ways to do so!
8. Fret loudly the entire session. If you are anxious that nothing is working and the photographer isn’t getting good shots your child is likely to pick up on that. However, why leave this to chance? Be sure to vocalize your concerns to make sure your child knows you are worried.
9. Tell your child that he or she is doing “it” wrong. If your child won’t sit still for a posed shot, or won’t run and play joyfully upon command, make sure she knows she’s ruining the pictures. Bonus points if you can throw in some guilt hyperbole about how Grandma is only clinging to life to see these pictures and now you have RUINED them
10. Don’t reschedule for illness. Remember, that 101 degree fever will just add a lovely flush to your child’s cheeks.
11. Don’t allow enough time. Some children take a while to really warm up to having their picture taken and you should be sure that you have a very important event scheduled right after your pictures. Sure, one of the benefits of custom photography, one of the things you are, in fact, paying for is having the photographer stay as long as necessary to get the shot. Forget that. Rush it. Don’t give your child time to relax. That way you’ll get a lot of nervous “deer-in-the-headlights” pictures instead of natural looking shots.
12. Insist on continuing when you child is clearly done. There comes a point when your child will have had enough. Toddlers sometimes share this feeling via the subtle body language of throwing themselves on the ground and flailing. At this point your goal, as a person out to ruin your own session, is to insist on keeping going. That way you’ll not only get lots of sobbing, miserable pictures you’ll look back on the entire experience as miserable. It’s a twofer. Win-win!

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(Obviously this is tongue planted very firmly in cheek but most (though not all) of these come from actual experiences. For a great portrait experience you should:

• Make sure you like the photographer’s work.
• Know how much he or she costs and whether that’s in your budget. Finding out after you are in love with the proofs that you can only afford 2 prints is not a good thing.
• Dress your child in clothing he or she (and you) likes, that reflects his or her personality and that is comfortable.
• Make sure your child is well rested and fed.
• Relax, back off and let the photographer work. Don’t call your child’s name, do a silly dance, threaten your child or worry that nothing is coming out. It will come out. The session itself should be fun. Relax. Have fun. The pictures will come out.

… and one of my one child sporting her “I’m over this” face because a photography blog post without an actual photo is plain weird.


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A Few from the Haddam Neck Fair

I know, I know, they are in color. Don’t get attached. I got a roll of (very) expired color 120 film from my mother when I was in Maine and ended up not using it until we went to the fair.

I went up on the Ferris wheel with the kids. They know about Ferris wheels thanks to Charlotte’s Web, which has been read to them twice and the original (badly) animated movie version of which they have seen. Fern leaves Wilbur at the Blue Hill Fair to go on the Ferris wheel with Henry Fussy, so they were all excited to go on it. Now, Ferris wheels make me nervous. I love roller coasters but something about Ferris wheels is just stomach churning for me. Maybe it’s all the admonitions not to rock. What happens if we rock?

I stayed calm by taking pictures.

When I looked over my film I saw that I was not the only one enamored of taking pictures of the view from the wheel.

After that the kids got to go on ride by themselves. James wanted to go on the cars. He has a thing of vehicles of all sorts. Despite the look on his face he was having a wonderful time. He looked deathly serious on every ride.

Fiona adored the mini roller coaster. She is her mother’s child.

And a one more general issue fair picture.

(Also, holgarama is having a contest and if you are a holga loving shooter you may find it amusing!)

Gorgeous Children | Avon Children’s Photographer

This was one of those childrens’ portrait sessions I was really grateful at the end it wasn’t my kids because there is simply no way I couldn’t have every single one of these. It was s fun mix of film – love that film look – and digital for these. I adore working with film and am always thrilled to have a client who appreciates the special feel of a film portrait!

Of course, my kids never actually cooperate like this. Mine aim more for the “running away from the camera as fast as my legs with shoes on the wrong feet will go” look. Since if they consistently gave me portraits like THESE my house would be wall-papered with photos perhaps I should be grateful.

A Day in the Life

Just one from the A Day in the Life at the Cobb School. This was a full day of shooting, following this little Miss around her preschool as she washed windows, painted, prepared herself a snack, played with her friends, sang songs and more.

Your album should be ready in a few more weeks!

Ridiculously Adorable Little Boy

People ALWAYS want to know how to dress their kids. Little boys in tank-tops and jeans are about as cute as it gets. It gives them the freedom to show me the bugs they find (and, err… your kids will probably end up dirty after a photo shoot with me – best not to plan a fancy dinner directly afterward) and to sit in the mud or climb a tree. Of course, I’m perfectly happy to send a girl in a linen dress into the mud too but there is just something about a little boy in a simple shirt and jeans that evokes timeless childhood innocence in a way that ties and button down shirts just don’t.